As we approach the end of 2018, there is no shortage of coaches and motivational quotes urging us to finish strong, to achieve our goals in the time that still remains, and start fresh and ready in 2019.

For many of us, this mad dash to the finish line has a frustratingly familiar feel to it – we’ve been here before, with the goals we set every January, and somehow don’t achieve by December. Rinse and repeat. What’s up with that?

Let’s start by considering why we set goals and then don’t really pursue them. As my mentor Susan Sly says, your calendar will reveal your true priorities. If you say you want to lose weight and get ripped, but you never schedule time for healthy meals or exercise, or you say you want to make more money but spend no time working on your business, then you clearly don’t really want what you say you want. So what are you truly seeking?

The truth is that it is never about the things we say we want – the house, the car, or the washboard abs. It is always about the feelings we think we will have if we achieve those things – the love, acceptance, security or admiration we think we will experience. By talking about these goals, we give ourselves a little foretaste of those feelings, and relieve any urgency we might feel to take action towards actually achieving them. This cycle repeats year after year, until we have completely convinced ourselves that we can never achieve those goals, so why bother?

I believe that it is important to be clear with ourselves on the feelings we are craving, and forgive ourselves for craving them. We are so hard on ourselves. Would you ever talk to your best friend like you talk to yourself? It is absolutely OK to want love, acceptance, and significance.

The best way to achieve these feelings, in general, is by serving others. There’s a reason why volunteerism is strongly correlated with longevity and health – those who spend their time helping others, usually end up helping themselves the most.

If you have business goals or health goals that you never push yourself to achieve, try to consider how others might benefit from the actions you would need to take on the road to those goals. Would your family eat better, would you be more present with your children, would you be able to assist local charities in a more significant manner?

By acknowledging and validating the feelings behind those goals we keep setting year after year, and looking at ways we can achieve those feelings by helping others, we can free up that energy to take action and actually move closer to achieving our goals.

Wouldn’t that be an amazing feeling?