This past week, we read a section in the Torah called Judges – G-d commands Moses to appoint judges and magistrates, so the people shall be judged fairly, without bribery or favouritism.

It made me think about how we are all judges, especially of ourselves. Have you noticed that the people who are most judgemental of others, are the absolutely cruellest judges of themselves? Conversely, when we are in a state of judgement and shame of ourselves, we are mostly likely to judge others unfavourably.

Even when we are able to accept others as they are and not judge them, we may find ourselves talking to ourselves in ways we would never talk to anyone we loved. Where does that horrible inner Judge come from, who keeps telling us that we are not enough, that we will never be enough, that we are stupid and ugly or whatever your trigger words are? It’s a way of shaming ourselves and keeping ourselves small.

Brené Brown, the shame researcher whose book Daring Greatly popularised the famous Man in the Arena speech by Theodore Roosevelt, has a few pithy things to say about judgement and criticism. Roosevelt starts off the speech by saying, “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better”, and continues to talk about the person who is in the arena, covered in blood and sweat and tears, who is actually trying to get something done, rather than criticise others. Brown puts it even more succinctly: If you’re not in the arena getting your butt kicked too, I’m not interested in your feedback. It is truly not the critic who counts.

So the next time you are tempted to judge and shame yourself, or others, remember to give yourself, and them, some grace. We are all doing the best we can at that moment, and there’s no reason to allow the critics in the cheap seats to voice their opinion. Especially if those critics are inside your own head. Take a deep breath and a moment to recognise what is happening, and let it go.

“To love ourselves and support each other in the process of becoming real is perhaps the greatest single act of daring greatly.” – Brené Brown