As the final assignment for one of the classes I’m taking at rabbinical school, I am creating an adult education program on a topic that reflects my own life experience. I don’t yet know when (or indeed whether) I would offer it to real people, but it got me thinking about support, and how we sometimes don’t realise how much we need it until after the crisis has passed.

In particular, as someone who is training to be a rabbi, I have been thinking about the expectations that people have of their spiritual leaders, regardless of the tradition they represent. What kind of support do people want from us?

There have been difficult times in my life, when I have sought the guidance of a spiritual leader, and others when the thought has not even occurred to me. When I try to think about the difference between those two times, it is not just whether I had that kind of relationship with the leader in question, although of course that is very important too – we are all more likely to be vulnerable with people we know and trust emotionally. 

The other factor that stands out to me in these two situations is whether I trusted the tradition to give me a good answer to my question. Not necessarily the answer I wanted, but an answer that felt authentic and rooted in our fundamental principles – supporting life and health, leaving the world a better place than we found it. Seeing the Divine spark in every human, and trusting that the Divine does not make mistakes – so that what each person feels in their heart about their own identity is indeed the truth, regardless of what patriarchal and capitalist society might think of it. As the Talmud says (Yoma 83a:9) – the heart knows its own bitterness, and even 100 expert doctors cannot contradict what a person knows of themselves. 

It is not always easy to find that truth, and once found, it is not always easy for others to accept. After all, we are all conditioned by many years of life in a patriarchal society. Sometimes we need the help and support of a spiritual leader to help us confirm that still small voice, despite the rising shouts of fear that are trying to overwhelm it. I hope to become that leader for those who seek that support.

I am curious – have you always found the support that you needed, when important decisions presented themselves in your life? If not, what would you do differently?