Sometimes I think that listening is one of the hardest skills in the world. We all have opinions on things, and it is easy to share them, especially with people who agree with us. If we are talking with people who don’t agree with us, it’s tempting to shut down, move on, stay in our bubble, write them off.

What if we didn’t do that?

As someone who has strong opinions on various social justice issues, it can be difficult for me to take the time to consider opposing viewpoints and try to understand why people might support them. Sometimes people are simply misinformed, but often the causes run deeper – people may feel threatened by those who are different from them. They may fear that something that is important to them will be lost. The fear that they are feeling, and possibly acting upon, is real, even if the threat they are responding to very likely is not.

It’s easy to view those who disagree with us, especially on issues we consider very important, as the enemy, the ones who must be taken down or destroyed at all costs. Violent words can turn into violent action, and real people get hurt. Our world is never better afterwards, even if we feel that the violence, whether real or virtual, was justified and necessary. Resentment forced underground will continue to fester, and we find ourselves playing whack-a-mole with people who mostly just want to be heard and acknowledged, and to have their fears assuaged.

We are living in a world in rapid transition – climate change is happening faster than expected, a mass disabling event is being ignored (but still happening), the patriarchy is fighting back against recent progress with everything it has (which is a lot). Reactionary forces appear to be on the ascendant everywhere, trying to return women and minorities to a subjugated state. I don’t believe they will succeed, but we cannot take a better world for granted.

So where does listening come in? I believe that the real enemy of all of us is dehumanisation – seeing other people as less than human, as animals or evil beings. 

It’s important to remember that every one of us is created in the Divine image – no matter how awful we think others may be, how deeply buried we think that Divine spark must be. It is still there, and the way to bring it to the surface is to engage in civil conversation (assuming you are actually talking with a human and not a bot – by no means guaranteed on the Internet nowadays). Listen. Ask why they said what they said. The fear will come to the surface very quickly. 

Only do this if it is safe – fear is often accompanied by rage. Do not put yourself in danger. But I believe that if we all have the courage to put down the dehumanisation shield and actually see each other, there is hope for this world.

Have you found a way to communicate with people you disagree with? I’d love to know how. Let me know!