Psychology has this amazing concept called projection. There are quite a few definitions of it, but my favourite is the concept that what irritates you in other people is probably something that you need to work on in yourself.

Ouch! I don’t like that reminder either … but it’s true, and I have seen it many times, in myself and others. Our minds show us the disavowed parts of ourselves with crystal clarity, projected onto the mirrors around us. If we find others to be lazy, cold, unfriendly, hostile or overly critical, we might want to take a good look at our own feelings. Are we afraid that this is true of us?

If you grew up in a family where expressing anger was not permitted, you might think that you don’t have any, or you might turn it on yourself – calling yourself nasty names any time you do something that is less than perfect. You might also see a lot of hostility and criticism coming at you from others, and you might think (if you think about it at all) that that is what you deserve for being such an imperfect and unworthy being. Developmental psychologists tell us that our image of ourselves is pretty set by the time we are 5 or 6 – and if we have been taught that we are bad and unworthy, that’s what we will think we are.

I want you to think about the concept of projection – at least consider the possibility that you are not unworthy and terrible, but that you are dealing with repressed anger that projects itself onto other people – that you are creating others in your own image, if you will. You are not doomed to be like this forever – there are very effective tools that therapists can use to help you explore those parts of yourself that you have hidden away. I urge you to consider working with a therapist, if you find yourself in this situation. You may be amazed at how nice people become.

Here is a final thought I want to leave with you. You are created in the image of the Divine (or Source, or Nature, or the Universe, or whatever works for you). How blasphemous is it to think that of all the billions of people on Earth, you alone were formed in an unworthy and useless manner? Do you think that the One that designed rainbows and snowflakes in all their perfection, somehow messed up in releasing YOU into the world?

Or maybe it’s possible, just possible, that the people who told you that were WRONG?