There’s a great quote from George Addair: “Everything you have ever wanted is on the other side of fear”.
Fear is a very primal emotion – babies are born with it, even animals who are much lower on the evolutionary scale than we are seem to manifest it. But we humans have taken it to another level, because we are able to be afraid of things that do not even exist.
If you were to watch an antelope grazing on the savannah, you might see fear in action, as it jerks its head up, notices the lioness creeping up on it, and runs for its life. If it gets away, it stops a safe distance away, drops its head and starts grazing again. Do antelopes experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? If so, they don’t show it.
We, on the other hand, are able to lie in our safe, warm beds and absolutely terrify ourselves by imagining a future that may never come to pass. We can paralyze ourselves with fear to the point of being unable to take action on the things we say we want. Nobody is doing this to us – there are no lionesses creeping in the grass behind us. The whole thing is truly in our heads.
How do we get past it? How do we achieve everything we have ever wanted, to follow the quote above?
First of all, I am not a medical professional, nor do I play one on the Internet. This advice is not intended to replace your therapist or psychiatrist, but only to help you deal with some of the fearful stories in your head that are preventing you from taking the action you say you want. If you find yourself dealing with truly debilitating anxiety, please seek professional help.
With that caveat, here are some suggestions.
Be aware when you are catastrophising. Are you taking things to the absurd? Are you imagining the worst scenario in every situation? Stop yourself and ask how likely these scenarios are. Chances are, they are not very likely, and your rational brain will tell you so, if you will listen to it. Can you laugh at yourself? That’s a huge win!
Sit with your fear. If you’ve been running away from it or stuffing it with food, alcohol or other drugs, give yourself a few minutes to feel your emotions. Nobody has yet died from a feeling. If you look the monster in the face, you may find it is less terrible than you think.
Choose a better-feeling thought. We are in control of our own thoughts, although sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. If the thought you are having is making you feel terrible, can you choose one that feels better? Maybe instead of “I’m no good at this”, try “I’m in the process of getting better at this.”
Exercise. The most underutilised antidepressant out there. If you aren’t up for a full session at the gym, go for a walk. Get some fresh air. Move your body. Do some jumping jacks. As Tony Robbins says, change your state. It’s amazing how quickly your mood will improve, and things will seem less scary.
Find community. Talk to a coach, a friend or a colleague. If you can voice your fears, you may find reassurance, or at least a hand to hold while you take your next steps.
Do it anyway. Send those messages. Make those phone calls. Go talk to the person who seems so intimidating. You will not die from any of these activities, and you will be hugely proud of yourself and your courage, if you will just do the work.
What do you do when you are afraid to take the next step? I’d love to know your strategies!