I recently bought Will Bowen’s book, A Complaint-Free World. It’s an interesting concept – the idea is that you can increase your happiness by training yourself to stop complaining, gossiping, and, most difficult for me, using sarcasm.

The program involves a simple purple silicone bracelet, but you can use a rubber band, or any of the dozen or so silicone bands you probably have knocking about. You put the band on one of your wrists, it doesn’t matter which one. You go about your day, and you monitor what comes out of your mouth. If you hear yourself complaining, gossiping or being sarcastic, you switch the bracelet to the other wrist, and you go back to day 1. The objective is to make it to day 21 without switching the bracelet.

Will Bowen says that it takes most people 8 to 10 months to make it to 21 consecutive days without complaining, gossiping or using sarcasm.

I had someone tell me that complaining is very important, because how else could the world improve? Bowen addresses this in his book – it’s not the complaining that makes change, but moving from complaining to action. He cites Martin Luther King Jr as an example of someone who moved from complaining about the problems he saw to talking about the solutions he wanted to see implemented, and that is why people followed him. Who wants to follow somebody who just complains and never does anything to make things better?

He also makes the point that not complaining doesn’t mean you are a doormat – if something is wrong, you can state it and look to make it right. If your soup is cold (remember restaurants?), you can request that the waiter take it to be warmed up. That’s not complaining, it’s merely a statement of fact, accompanied by a suggested solution. The energy is just much, much better.

Another question people might have is about the utility of venting, which is really just a form of complaining. Do people not feel better after venting? Research shows that they might feel better in the moment, but in the long run consistent venting actually makes people feel worse. It’s better to stop talking and take action, every single time.

Also, what’s the deal with sarcasm? Isn’t it just being funny? Actually, if it’s really sarcasm, it has a mean edge to it. The Oxford dictionary defines it as “the use of irony to mock or show contempt”. Not a great energy, is it?

The most important advantage of controlling your complaining is that you will feel happier. As you may know, I’m a huge fan of gratitude – writing down things you are grateful for each day is a wonderful practice, and a great way to stop complaining about things. If you can find a few things to be grateful for each day, you can’t help but feel happier. Don’t believe me? Try it and get back to me.

For myself, I’m determined not to be deterred by my current inability to get past day 1. Tomorrow is another day, and another chance to look for solutions to problems, to mind my own business, and to be kind in what I say to everyone. Doesn’t that sound better?

I would be delighted to have a buddy in this – if you would like to take on this quest for 21 consecutive days without complaining, gossiping or being sarcastic, let me know! Let’s do this together.