There’s something odd about the times that we live in.
When you ask people how they are, they tell you “crazy busy”, with pride. They love to tell you how they are working full-time, have 3 little kids, and two businesses on the side. They have no time for anything.
Maybe this doesn’t apply to you – maybe you have achieved a much calmer life, and you feel that you have got it all under control. That makes you quite unusual!
Chances are, though, that you often feel run off your feet. Your to-do list never seems to get shorter, and everybody wants a piece of you. You feel like those balls in the air are likely to crash down any minute, with catastrophic consequences. Does that sound familiar?
Lately I’ve been reading books by Rachel Hollis and Brené Brown – very different writers, but both intent on helping people live their absolutely best lives. In particular, both of them, in their own ways, call for the setting of appropriate boundaries, and I think the lack of such boundaries is a major cause of the stress so many of us feel every day.
For one thing, many of us find it extremely hard to say no, and then we take on other people’s priorities and agendas, leading to resentment. To quote the entrepreneur Derek Sivers, if it’s not a Hell Yeah, it should be a No. Don’t accept invitations you don’t feel excited about. Don’t take on projects that don’t light you up. Don’t let yourself be guilted into things you don’t want to do, especially in the volunteer sphere. Check out this cute video!
I’m not talking about changing diapers or earning a living, here. Obviously, as adults, we have to do all sorts of things we don’t particularly want to do. It’s called discipline and commitment. But we can still be much more discriminating in deciding what kind of projects we take on.
The same kind of problem can occur in the emotional sphere. Many of us are empaths, and unless we have good, strong boundaries, we will take on everyone else’s emotions, especially the dark ones. It can be too heavy a burden for one person to bear, and there really is no reason for you to carry their emotions – it doesn’t actually help them in any way. It’s important to make space for yourself, and to be clear about the emotions that are actually yours. It can take a lot of practice to develop these boundaries, but it can be done.
It really comes down to being the Marie Kondo of your own life – not just decluttering objects that don’t spark joy, but projects, emotions, and if necessary, even people who bring you down and cause nothing but stress in your life.
It can be difficult and scary to set boundaries where you had none before, and the people who have become accustomed to dumping their projects or emotions on you will probably not like it, and you have to be OK with that.
You and your peace of mind are worth it!
P.S. If you are local to me, come visit me TONIGHT for my next Transformation Tuesday on September 24, 7 – 8:30 pm, at GetAssist Winnipeg, 236 Osborne Street South #3 – there is ample parking behind the building.