I heard an excellent training the other day, and I just have to share it with you. It’s about dealing with anxiety and fear, the kind that can paralyze you and keep you from taking the action that you say you want to take. Kudos to Coach Jennie Potter, who shared this in the Higdon Group 100K Inner Circle.

Jennie suggests that when you feel that kind of fear, you start by being aware of where in your body it is – is it in your chest, your stomach, your head, maybe in your toes? By analyzing your fear, you take a first step towards separating yourself from it. It’s important to realise that we are not our feelings, even though it seems that way. We would never say, “I am a stomach ache”, but we describe ourselves as “I am angry” or “I am afraid”. Try saying “I feel anger” or “I feel fear”, just as you feel a stomach ache, but it is not who you are.

She then suggests considering the fear that wells up in our body, which comes from our subconscious mind, as a smoke alarm. When you hear a smoke alarm beeping, your first thought may be that the house is on fire. But it might also be that somebody burned the toast. You don’t know until you investigate.

If you are about to take action, such as sending a message, making a phone call or speaking in public, and your fear is screaming, ask yourself whether your metaphorical house is on fire. Will you die if you make this phone call? What dire thing will happen to you? We can be very grateful to our internal smoke alarm, whose job it is to keep us safe. But maybe it’s only burned toast?

This is where self-talk comes in. Your rational mind can conclude that you are not, actually, in any danger as a result of the action you are planning to take. You can then have a calming conversation with yourself. Jennie recommends repeating mantras such as “I am safe. I am loved. Everything is OK”, combined with deep, calming breaths. Try the action again, reminding yourself that the house is not on fire.

Of course, if your anxiety is so debilitating that you need to talk with a professional, I would strongly recommend that you do so. We can’t fix all of our problems with our own self-talk. But it can be a great first step out of feeling stuck and frustrated with ourselves.

What kind of self-talk have you found helpful? I’d love to know!