If you are in Canada, I hope you had a lovely Thanksgiving.
As I continue with my Mel Robbins kick, I wanted to share some of my insights from her most recent book, The High Five Habit. In particular, just a few thoughts about jealousy.
We are taught to be ashamed of any feeling of jealousy or envy we might have of other people. If we see someone with a house we like, a car we covet, or a wonderful relationship, our first instinct is one of scarcity – if they have that, that means we can’t, and so we just hate them and despair. Does that sound familiar?
Here’s a different way to look at it. What if we actually live in an abundant Universe, where there is enough for everyone, and the genuine desires of everyone’s heart can actually be fulfilled?
Whew, there’s a lot to unpack there, but the most important concept, that I learned from Mel, is that jealousy is just blocked desire. If you are jealous of someone, that means you desire what they have – and in an infinitely abundant Universe, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have it, too.
That doesn’t mean we need to build 7 billion mansions, or that the planet could sustain them if we did. Not everyone really desires a mansion or a Ferrari. They might want the significance and societal acclaim that come with the ability to own those things – but the things themselves might not actually be what makes them happy. It’s important to think and feel these things through carefully and achieve clarity on what it is that you actually desire, so you can go after what really matters to you.
We all know the perplexing stories of people who have achieved fame and fortune, and immediately plunged themselves into misery, addiction and self-sabotage. Clearly owning lots of things and being famous and celebrated did not bring them joy. For those of us watching on the sidelines, this makes no sense, and we shake our heads and imagine what we could do with a fraction of their riches. We are quite certain that these reveries could never, ever become real. People like us don’t have that kind of money.
But let’s pause for a moment, and look at what we are imagining. Do we have to become billionaires to achieve the things that make us happy? Highly unlikely. Chances are, we could have nice things and a life that makes us happy by focusing on what we really want and going after it. But first we have to imagine what that life looks like, and that brings us back to jealousy and its role in clarifying our vision.
If we are not jealous of someone, that means we don’t want what they have, and we shouldn’t waste time trying to achieve it. That is such a gift from our subconscious! If you are looking at your boss and their boss, and you don’t want their life, maybe you should consider changing careers. If you want their house or their car, maybe figure out how much something like that costs, and see what it would take to get it. It may be more achievable than you think.
You could also possibly rent one just for the experience, and maybe you would realise you didn’t want the thing after all, you were just after the feeling you imagined went with it. Could you achieve that feeling in some other way?
As we see more attention being focused on the structural inequities that are at the root of our Western society, that doesn’t mean that we are doomed by them. On the contrary, let’s use them to gain clarity of vision on what we want, and take it from there. The first step towards achievement is desire, and we need to know what that truly is for each of us. Jealousy, or the lack of it, can be a great teacher in that regard. It shines a spotlight on our desires, and for that, we can be grateful.
P.S. Black Friday, that cornerstone of the North American love of a good deal, is coming up faster than you think. I’m making a VIP notification list for the company I work with. Let me know if you want to be on it. If not, no worries at all, thanks for reading!