Everyone has triggers – small, seemingly innocuous things that set them off in an emotional reaction that seems far beyond what seems appropriate to the situation. These triggers relate directly back to trauma, often childhood experiences that left us with these wounds, these sensitive spots that can’t bear to be touched.
For many people, this process is entirely subconscious. Our minds are very good at forgetting, on the surface, events that caused us pain or made us feel sad or unwanted or unloved. Those are painful emotions that nobody wants to experience, so our mind obligingly makes sure that we don’t, most of the time. But sometimes the world, usually inadvertently, touches those sore spots, and we are right back there in that world of pain, just as we were as children. Any tools we have learned along the way for dealing with emotional difficulty may fall away at that moment.
The rage and fear can become overwhelming, and that’s when people can become dangerous to others or to themselves, especially if they have access to lethal weapons in the moment of reverting to being a scared and hurt child. But even if they don’t resort to physical violence, they can scare themselves and others with their disproportionate reaction, verbal aggression and apparent lack of self control. Or maybe they retreat into silence, and others feel shut out and abandoned. Afterwards, people can feel completely exhausted and empty, as if they had been possessed by a demon that is now gone. That is how past generations viewed this, and metaphorically, those concepts can be helpful to us as well. How can we exorcise these demons?
It can be helpful, although it is not always necessary, to explore the past trauma in a safe situation, with a therapist or coach. But even without delving into the gory details of the past, we can notice what kind of situation brings these feelings on. Are we feeling excluded, disrespected, or in danger? Are we experiencing flashbacks as a response to someone’s words or actions? Are we projecting our past experience with a certain person onto someone else who reminds us of them?
Knowledge is potential power, and by understanding what triggers us, we are better able to deal with it, or try to avoid situations where it is likely to happen. Older people in our society are sometimes dismissive of the idea of trigger warnings and safe spaces, but it’s time to listen to our wise young ones. There might be less violence in this world if people were less complacent and more self-aware.
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