When this blog post is published, I will be preparing to read the Torah for my congregation, as we celebrate the Jewish New Year, called Rosh HaShanah, the head of the year.

Just over a week later, we will observe the solemn fast day of Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. Together, they are usually called the High Holy Days, and the days in between are called the Days of Awe. These days are often attended by people who don’t observe any other Jewish holidays, except possibly getting together with family for Passover. They are truly a big deal.

So what is so special about the High Holy Days? The main feature of the lengthy services, full of ancient melodies and opaque poetry, is what is called cheshbon haNefesh, the arithmetic of the soul.

You might called it soul-searching – we take the time, away from all other distractions, to consider what we did in the year that just passed, and whether our behaviour matched up to our ideal vision of ourselves.

What grandiose plans fell victim to procrastination and fear? What hurtful words did we speak to our friends and family? Did we act with integrity and according to our true values at all times, or did we cut corners or sneak little cheats when we thought no one was looking?

Traditionally, we are asking G-d to forgive us for these transgressions. But the rabbis said that when the issue is between us and others, G-d will not forgive us until we have made amends to the humans we have hurt or offended. It is therefore traditional to spend this time asking others for forgiveness, and trying to repair relationships that may have suffered during the year.

What about the promises we broke to ourselves? What about the standards we did not uphold? Forgiving ourselves is usually the hardest thing of all, but it is imperative that we do so, so we can move on with a clean slate and do better in the new year.

I will close with a quote from Martin Buber: “Before his death, Rabbi Zusya said “In the coming world, they will not ask me: ‘Why were you not Moses?’ They will ask me: ‘Why were you not Zusya?”

Whether you celebrate the High Holy Days or not, this can be a very good time to do some arithmetic of the soul, and ask yourself – why was I not the highest, most wonderful form of myself? How can I become that person in the new year?

Wishing us all a sweet and healthy 5780!