The word “priority” means “considered of the first importance” – if something is a priority for you, that means it’s important and you make sure to do it. But is that true?

One way to learn a person’s true priorities is to look at what they do, rather than what they say. For example, if you say that getting enough sleep is a priority for you, but you stay up late doomscrolling on Twitter (guilty!), then maybe it’s not that high on the list.

If someone who didn’t know you were to follow you around for a few days, watching everything you do, and then made a list of what they thought was important to you, would that list be the same as the one you would make for yourself?

Here is where I want to remind you of Peta Kelly’s description of herself: Human AF. (I don’t swear on this email, so if you don’t know what AF stands for, ask me privately). We are all human AF, and we need to give ourselves a little grace. It’s OK not to live up to our own ideas of perfection all the time. Please don’t beat yourself up.

Still, if you find that your actions are consistently at variance with your declared priorities, you might want to give the matter some thought. Clearly, either the declared priority isn’t that important to you, or something else is even more important. So if you declare that your family is all-important, but you spend an inordinate amount of time working, something is clearly off. Building a business is awesome, but should it cost you your most important relationships? 

Alternatively, if you say you want to build a business, but you spend a lot of time scrolling social media or taking courses, you might want to tackle the fear that is keeping you from taking action. 

Taking internal inventory of your declared priorities (and are they still valid? Maybe something that was a priority a few years ago is now less important? That’s OK) and comparing them to your actual action choices can be very enlightening. You might want to make adjustments – either to the action or to the declared priority. Either way, be kind to yourself. That should always be a priority.