Sometimes we become aware that others are trying to manipulate our emotions – specifically, they may be trying to make us feel guilty for something we may have done, or not done. For whatever reason, they feel a desire to see us squirm and feel bad about something. Have you ever encountered this?
It’s important to recognise this kind of manipulative behaviour, and make your own thoughtful considerations of the matter. If someone signals to you in this way that they are unhappy with you, start by giving them the benefit of the doubt. Do they have grounds for this? Did you, in fact, treat them badly in some way, perhaps unintentionally? Consider this first. Do you need to make amends for something you said or did? Try to be as generous as you can. Understand that everyone is on their own journey, and some have a harder time of it than others.
Once you have concluded that the issue is theirs, not yours, be very clear in your own mind. Do not take on any responsibility for the behaviour or feelings of other adults. This can be very hard to do, especially for empaths and those of us who were socialised as women. But it’s a crucial skill to learn.
The amazing Byron Katie has said that there are three kinds of business in the world – G-d’s business, other people’s business, and your own business. If you can stop trying to control the first two kinds of business, you will recognise what you should taking on emotionally, and what you should not.
Stick with your own business, and do not allow yourself to be manipulated into feeling bad about things that are not your business – such as the internal processes of other people.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be kind and helpful, and do your best to help and comfort others. The world needs people like you to make it a better place. Just don’t allow others to guilt you into it – make your own choices, know why you made them, and own them. They are nobody’s business but yours, after all.
P.S. I will be travelling for the next couple of weeks. I will attempt to get the next two blog posts out in time, but if I don’t succeed, you will know why, and I hope you will forgive me.