I’ve been listening to Don Miguel Ruiz’s books while running and walking in my neighbourhood.

I love The Four Agreements – be impeccable with your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, and always do your best. Those four concepts have changed my life.

Lately I’ve been enjoying a book called The Fifth Agreement, which is: be skeptical, but learn to listen. It’s a great way to deal with our current overload of crazy, without descending into hate.

In this book, Don Miguel and his son Jose also talk about the difference between Truth, which is immanent in the world – a tree is a tree, the sun is the sun, regardless of what you call them – and our virtual realities that we build in our heads, based on words. They mention the story of G-d and Adam walking in the Garden of Eden. G-d asks Adam to name all the animals, which he does. These names do not change the essence of the animals, they just provide a handle for us to tell stories about them. A cat will not become a dog just by your calling it so.

We tell ourselves stories all the time, about ourselves, about other people, and about the world in general. It is highly unlikely that these stories are completely true, or even true at all. If we tell ourselves that we are stupid, fat, too old, or any other negative thing that somebody told us, chances are those stories are completely false. And yet we tell them to ourselves, with absolute conviction.

We tell ourselves stories about other people too. We think we can imagine what they are thinking or feeling, but the truth is that we have no way of knowing what goes on in other people’s heads – even those we love the most and know the best, such as our children. If they are kind enough to tell us what they are thinking or feeling, we can get a little closer, but the Truth can never be expressed in words. Their essence is forever theirs alone to know.

I remember asking my parents, as a child, why I was myself and not somebody else. They came back with a story about how their DNA combined to make me. I found it very puzzling, and I remember thinking that it didn’t answer my question at all. I still don’t know the answer to that existential question – if anybody on this list thinks they do, I’d love to hear their thoughts on the matter. 

The story that the Ruizes tell, about Truth that can only be experienced and not spoken, and about the lies we tell ourselves and others, may not be your cup of tea at all. That is fine, the whole point about stories is that we can choose to believe them, or not, and it doesn’t matter either way. Choose the stories that work best for you – since none of them is actual Truth, we are not required to be bound to what we were taught. We can learn new stories and use them instead.

What stories do you need to expunge from your mind? I know I have a few. How about you?

Wishing all who celebrate a wonderful 5781!