If you Google phases of a woman’s life, you will find various divisions, ranging in number from three to seven. My favourites, however, are those that divide our lives into three – the Maiden, the Mother, and the Sage.
Of course we are much more than that – a large part of the struggle of feminism has been to move society beyond defining women by their bodies, to recognise our powerful minds and our multiple abilities in all fields of endeavour. If the pendulum swings too far, however, we can lose contact with our miraculous bodies. The integration of body and mind is a large part of the secret to a good life.
All being well, most women experience menarche, the beginning of menstruation, as young teens, and if they live long enough, they will experience menopause, the end of menstruation, in their forties or fifties.
In between, they will have the magical ability to grow new humans, whether they use that ability or not. As an aside, it is my firm belief that the fear of this power to create life is at the root of all misogyny, and of all patriarchal attempts to control women’s bodies and their reproductive choices.
All three of these phases have their own hormonal makeup, which has a strong effect on our minds, as well as on our bodies. It is no secret that teenaged girls and middle-aged women can both be moody and irritable, experiencing changes in their bodies that confuse them and require adjusting to a new normal. In between, women who are physically capable of motherhood, whether they become mothers or not, have their own cycle, rising and falling with the moon. Moving from Maiden to Mother to Sage is a lifetime’s journey.
As another aside, a word that is used in some traditions for the third, post-menopausal phase is Crone, but if you Google both Sage and Crone, you will see that the connotations for the former are generally positive and full of wisdom, and the latter is evil, ugly and scary – more misogyny and fear of women’s power.
Back when humanity was forming these images, the transition from Maiden to Mother would have happened much earlier in a woman’s life than it does nowadays, and a woman who had transitioned to Sage would probably be dead within a few years. Now, however, we can expect at least a few decades of healthy, vigorous life between saying goodbye to our fertility and saying goodbye to life.
How can we make the best use of these years, growing in health, strength, power and purpose? Time is the one resource we can never replenish, so we would do well to consider these things carefully.
Join me in future posts as I explore what it means to live a good life after menopause, and how we can support our bodies, our minds and our spirits. I would love to hear your thoughts – please comment, share and join the conversation!
Thank you Peter, I love your contributions from the male perspective. You are right, there are similar stages in the lives of men and women, but I think the cessation of fertility is huge – men can remain fertile into their eighties. Women, outside of the Bible, generally do not. While andropause does exist, it’s not nearly as all-encompassing as menopause, I believe. Teach me if I am wrong.
Talking about the Torah, as we call it, and the “ezer kenegdo” business, you are quite correct. The term literally means “help opposite him”, which of course led our patriarchal sages to say that a woman can be a man’s help or his opposition … equal was not part of their vocabulary. One could argue that early JUdaism spent a lot of energy fighting the matriarchal pagan religions which existed in the land before the people of Israel got there, so it’s not surprising that they were not fans of of giving power to women.
Fortunately, we are no longer fighting the Ashera (one could argue that Amazon is a much bigger foe of every religion), so I think we are safe giving power to women in modern religions, without their turning into orgiastic priestesses.
I do have to ask you, why do you think that men feel they have to be better at things than women?
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts!!
Hadass Eviatar recently posted…Entering the Third Phase
Hadass, I suspect, but have no firm evidence to support my contention, that many men tend to have fewer interests outside of work / business, sports and family than women and also have fewer close platonic, relationships outside their families so feel the effects of retirement and reduced physical activity more than women.
Why do men feel they have to be better at things than women?
I think that the more competitive, aggressive male personality makes men more competitive and therefore strive to be better than all perceived competitors, male or female.
I guess it’s easier for a male to acknowledge that another big, strong male might be better at something than a smaller (generally speaking) woman who has always and in many cases still is, seen to be weaker. It is hard on the male ego to acknowledge the superiority of a competitor believed to be less competent or not as well suited to the task.
I also think it is partly generational, when I was a child, few mothers worked outside the home, were active in politics or involved in many “male” sports. There were few role models. Also a societal problem because it seems that it is becoming increasingly difficult for anyone male or female to excel in western society whilst paradocxically , it is easier to survive in relative comfort.
Lastly, it may be a side effect of our modern educational system that tends to reward participation more than success.
Having competed in endurance sports, even though there were hundreds of better athletes than me, I had the satisfaction of knowing that 95% or more of the general population could never complete the events I did. So I had no problem acknowledging that there were many women in those hundreds of athletes who finished ahead of me.
It’s an interesting debate, I would love to hear other opinions.
Peter Wright recently posted…Destiny, Divine Guidance, or Self Choice – What Dictates our Future?
Your post title in my inbox got me hooked so I had to read your post even though I guessed it would be aimed more at women.
As a male, three things stood out:
“it is my firm belief that the fear of this power to create life is at the root of all misogyny, and of all patriarchal attempts to control women’s bodies and their reproductive choices.”
I had never heard that suggested as the root of all misogyny. You may be correct in that it is a factor, perhaps a major one, but I suspect that a bigger factor is that many men have feared, and still do fear, losing power and control when their own feelings of inadequacy are increased by the evidence that women can perform as well as and often better than men in many activities, professions and roles in life.
Not losing power over women as much as losing power over their own lives. For the record, I don’t have that problem.
I also read recently a suggestion that the root of misogyny can be traced to an incorrect translation of the ancient Hebrew words “ezer kenegdo” that resulted in Eve being called in the old testament of the Bible, a “helpmate” or supporter to Adam rather than an equal as was intended. (I will defer to your much greater knowledge of Hebrew and Judaism for your opinion on that suggestion)
Secondly, you are correct in your differentiation between “sage” and “crone”.
Thirdly, looking back from my current age of 68, I would suggest that apart from the cessation of fertility in women, the two genders go through three similar stages.
The insecurity and emotional turmoil of the teenage and early adult years.
The focus on career and raising children in the middle
The contentment and wisdom of the later years.
Sadly, more men than women seem to remain stuck in one of the first two stages!
Thanks for sharing your insight.
Peter Wright recently posted…Destiny, Divine Guidance, or Self Choice – What Dictates our Future?