All being well, you should be reading this on Halloween. What better time to think about masks?

When we imagine masks, we usually see something theatrical, or perhaps that adorable little Batman knocking at your door. But what about the invisible masks we wear every day?

Little children have no masks. What comes into their minds is completely evident on their faces, and they express their feelings (and if they can speak, thoughts) with complete honesty and abandon. When do we develop masks, and why?

To some extent, masking our feelings and thoughts is a part of socialisation. There are such things as politeness and tact, and people who have no filter at all can cause unintentional damage. There is definitely value to being able to decide whether you are going to share your thoughts and feelings with other people, or not.

But that’s where the nub lies. If it’s your decision, taken completely freely, then there’s no problem with your temporary mask. It’s completely OK to consider other people’s feelings or the appropriateness of the situation before expressing yourself.

But what if you are wearing your mask out of fear? That becomes a whole different ball game. If you think you are not allowed to be your authentic self, either because someone will punish you, or because you think that authentic self is not lovable, then that polite mask of consideration becomes a constricting monster.

This monster not only suffocates you, but it takes a huge amount of energy to maintain. If you are taught from a young age that your rage (especially if you are a woman) or fear (especially if you are a man) are not permissible, and that your thoughts are not important, you will suppress your true feelings and thoughts and adapt to what is expected of you.

Have you ever tried to keep an inflatable beach ball under water? It’s a fun game, but quite tiring – the darn thing keeps popping up, and you have to jump up and submerge it again.

Doing the same thing with your feelings is nowhere near as much fun, but it can be equally exhausting. Men and women tend to be socialised to deal with this battle in different ways – either by externalising (possibly becoming violent, especially men) or internalising (often becoming ill, especially women). Taking off the masks and accepting the reality and value of your feelings can be a huge step towards healing.

If you feel that it is time to take that step, I recommend you find a therapist or a life coach to talk with. Being yourself is amazing, but it can be a long and arduous process if you are not used to it, and support along the way will make it much easier.